It’s been over six months since I last posted anything here. I figured I probably should so y’all would know that I’m still here. There are the usual excuses, explanations, and justifications. Mostly, though, I stepped back for a bit of calm in the midst of life’s stresses. This wasn’t by design, it just turned out that way.
Most of you don’t know me well. I’m an extreme introvert by nature, though I have at times come out of my hermetic life. Whether for work, athletics, socializing, or other endeavors, the outside world is one I’m quite familiar with. But it comes with me seeking the solace that comes from the quiet and calm that only happens away from the bustle of modern civilization. As of this writing, I’m closing in on the start of my 60th year, so that, too, factors into my enjoying the stepping back and letting the younger and more vibrant have their turn on our 3rd rock from the Sun.
I enjoy my solitude. Unfortunately, it’s a terrible way to get things done in a world that feeds on interconnections and networking. Enter social media. I’m not good at it. Never mind the introversion, but I was raised in a situation where privacy mattered. You shared little about yourself and your family situation. You certainly didn’t report on every little detail of your life to anyone who hadn’t been vetted to some degree to be worthy of some level of trust. So the current norm of broadcasting to the world the sights, sounds, and other details of my day as if it were a diary are philosophically foreign to me. As a result, I have trouble being as engaged with social media as is expected in this day and age.
For my business, this business, CJ’s Creative Services LLC, that’s a bit of a problem. When I go quiet, so does the commerce. There is no one else to lift the banner, either. If I don’t do it, it doesn’t happen. If it doesn’t happen, then there isn’t anything to buy supplies with, much less engage with the economy more frivolously. That has added to the background stress. How do I engage with these platforms when I’m both private and not in love with taking photos of everything? “Just do it,” doesn’t work as it’s all very ingrained and, as I mentioned, I’m old.
YouTube was the first casualty. Well…my camera and other equipment were the first casualties, but that led to my unplanned departure from the YouTubes. I’m back to having video capability, however I really don’t have the studio space to make it a reasonable life choice at present. I’ve considered perhaps doing a podcast instead, but I don’t actually have content available to be consistent with it. Years ago, I used to post 3-to-5 800-to-1500-word articles on my personal blog every day. I kept it up for years until, frankly, I ran out of non-repetitive stuff to say. So I know firsthand what a ravenous beast trying to produce content can be. I don’t want to be one of those art vloggers who do lots of wacky challenges just to have something to post. They are entertaining, don’t get me wrong, but that’s a hamster wheel I don’t want to get on again.
That aside, what about the art itself? I haven’t posted a finished piece since the Saturn V painting. I’ve done sketches and studies, but nothing that’s going public in that form. I do have several pieces queued up just waiting for me to throw some pigment around. So am I not?
I can’t say it’s any one thing. There are certainly copyright issues. I’d love to be painting pictures of the USWNT or other women’s football and/or sports stuff. Maybe even some things of our local club, NM United, even though it’s men’s soccer and that’s not my go-to. The problem is source material. I’m not a sports photographer any more, and even if I wanted to do it again, the rules for that are much more restrictive now than they were back in the day. I also don’t have the connections to get permissions of existing references without paying more than I can afford to. So as much as I’d like to paint within this subject matter, I can’t without taking a legal risk I don’t want to. (The Alex Morgan painting I did was practice, I knew going in I couldn’t do anything with it even though there are many throughout the interwebs that wouldn’t have the same ethical issues about it.)
I do have other art in the pipeline that isn’t dependent on rights acquisitions, but it doesn’t compel me to paint to the same degree. I’m not someone who has ever embraced the idea of quantity over quality and any media. It’s not that I have to be “inspired” to do a work, I just have to feel like it is expressing something more from this artist than “I might as well paint something.” I’m at a point in my life that I have no reasonable expectation of forging an illustrious career with my art. It’s different when you are starting out and have a lifetime’s possibilities ahead of you. Me…if I can make an adequate living, then I’m good.
I haven’t sold any particular subject with enough frequency to inform me that I’ve found my niche audience. As a result, I paint what I like in the styles I want. I’d love to do more with women’s sports using painting knives, but I’ve already talked about my current limits with that. Whenever I’ve asked the great social brain of my followers what they’d be interested in, it’s pretty much been crickets (meaning the proverbial sound that can be heard from proverbial crickets when there is no other sound, rather then the masses suggesting that it is crickets I should be painting). So, it’s still pretty much just up to me.
Another option is the write the long-delayed sequel to my novel Android Me. If I’m not painting, then I could be writing. (Honestly, I still get more from writing royalties than I do from ancillary art sales (though not originals).) Sounds good until I factor in the time to write the thing, edit it several times, do the artwork, typeset it, and publish it. Again, it’s all just me. We’re talking the better part of two years of devoting myself to this — little to no art at all during this time. As much as I’d love to do it, and would if all I needed to do was the writing part, I just can’t afford the time.
Then, of course, there’s just the time-consuming aspect of life known as…well, life. House, cars, taxes, groceries, and a myriad of other things we all have to deal with take their share of time, energy, and resources as well.
My one diversion as of late has been playing the flute. Back in September, I was reunited with my first flute. I hadn’t played the instrument for about 30-ish years, even though it was my first musical love when I first saw and heard one when I was five. I’ve been happily playing it every day since our reunion — well, except for the days it was in the shop getting back into playable condition. It’s been a joy and a challenge to try to do right by this silvery tube. You never forget your first love. Even so, it is still time away from other tasks.
So, what does 2020 (and beyond) hold for me, CJCS. and stuff you can buy? More art is definitely coming, but I’m not going to set deadlines I don’t have a clue if I’ll be able to meet. I’ll try to get better at the social media thing, but I’m not at all sure what it is you want see from it. Videos may come…jury’s still out on that. I guess we’ll all be surprised together.
